Does It Really Take Two to Make A Thing Go Right?

Who needs love when you got money? A large number of upper and middle class Americans have changed their “I do’s” to “I might” one day. In the days when Big Mama and Paw-Paw was coming up, it was part of the social order to get a little education, find a job, get hitched and raise Junior. The family code was protected at all costs. If Junior was conceived before vows were traded, a judge-signed document was to unhesitantly follow.  Families were not “official” or “legitimate” unless the construct was supported by a wedded, loving, mommy and daddy. Traditionally, the Black bourgeoisie status was based on dual-income households. Scholars such as Smith and Welch, 1986 believe that a decline in Black love will become the death of the middle class and economic prosperity. According to Andrew Cherlin, author of The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today, “Getting married is a way to show family and friends that you have a successful personal life. It is like the ultimate merit badge 1.”  Census data collected in 1980-2000 reveals that the number of unmarried individuals rose from 5.8 percent to 14 percent, while married couples living with children declined 64.6 percent to 48 percent.2

Family formation has taken a back seat while obtaining knowledge and big cheese has placed Americans on an aggressive scurry to the good life.  According to the 2000 U.S. Census Bureau, 16 percent of Blacks ages 25 years or older have a bachelor’s degree, while 24 percent of the total US population holds the equivalent.2 The 2010 Time/Pew Research poll finds that the median age for first wives in heterosexual relationships is 26 and 28 for first husbands. Today’s marriage is contingent on socioeconomic status. For the less educated, and employable, rehearsed nuptials translate into economic growth, while for middle class Americans, marriage is one of many options. In recent years, more women than men have graduated from college, increasing the probability that a large number of males will meet, date, marry and share a handsome income with a prized bread-winner in a skirt. While some guys are lucky enough to cuff a woman with her own, Time/Pew reports that modern brides seek to connect with grooms of equal buying power.1 As Fergie mockingly sings, “My Daddy let his daughter know, If you ain’t got no money take your broke, butt home.” It has become increasingly evident that Benjamin’s bucks can be earned on a solo status. Ms. Independent need not stay in unhappy marriages, thus two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by wives.1

A large number of men choose to be equally yoked as well. The ability to simply mother and maintain the household isn’t as sexy as it used to be. Paid males are looking for a mate that can lend a hand up and not a hand out, leaving the poor to their own kind. 1 Edin and Kefalas, 2005 extend that money deprived women aspire to wed, but candidates on the auction line are shabby, particularly for Black women. Poverty ridden men are paid minimum wage, have been to jail, struggle with drug and alcohol abuse and may be violent. The union of two underpaid individuals increases the struggle to rise above the poor man’s rut. 2

Low income female headed households are at an increased risk to poverty due to the supplemental burden of childcare expense. 2 At-risks families are likely to have developed before the completion of a high school diploma. According to the Panel Study of Income Dynamics (PSID), White mothers were less likely than Black mothers to drop-out of school due to marriage or childbearing. Black females are twice as likely as Whites to have less than a high school education. Black women forming families between the ages of 20-24 suffered a 48 percent decline in drop-out rates. Women who withdrew from high school around the time of marriage and/or pregnancy left school within six months before or after family formation. The most significant barrier to the completion of high school for a large number of women is the mother’s education level. Women of mothers that completed high school are more likely to obtain a diploma. In 1945-1960, 30 percent of White drop-outs had mothers with less than 12 years education, while 65 percent of Black women had mothers without a diploma. 3

Socialists warn that although individuals single, and living alone (SALA) seem to have an ideal lifestyle, they have no offspring to submit an inheritance to. Marsh’s, 2007 projection states that the number of SALA’s  is expected to reach record highs. 2  But what is the point of gaining this world’s wealth with no one to share it with?  In the words of lustrous Luther Vandross, “ A room is not a house and a house is not a home, when there is no one there to turn the key.” No matter how long it takes for you to find love, it is something that we should all pursue. Let’s not get so busy running that we forget to enjoy the scenery we run past.

1.       Luscombe, B. (2010). Marriage: What’s it good for? Time Magazine (176)(22),(p. 48-56).

2.       Marsh, K., Darity, W., Chohen, P., Casper, L. & Salters, D. (2007). The emerging black middle class: Single and living alone. Social Forces (86)(p.).

3.       Turner, R. (1995). Early family linked to school dropout, especially among blacks. Family Planning Perspectives (27)(1), (p. 39).